I deserve it, don’t I?

My birthday is next Friday. I had big ideas to go out for supper and to the bar with some friends. But then October 11th happened. That definitely knocked all the wind out of my sails. There are so many unknowns right now. When will I get another job? When will I get another paycheck? Will I need to move to another town to find a job? I don’t know if I should even be spending money right now.

I got my final paycheck on Oct. 31. And I have money in 2 savings accounts that I was planning to use for closing costs on a house. With that last paycheck, I should be fine through the end of this year. I shouldn’t have to dig into savings to pay bills. And I should still have enough money left to buy food … I gotta eat. But after that, I really don’t know. I haven’t looked past the end of this year. And I REALLY don’t want to dig into my savings.

So, I’ve been waffling back and forth as to if I should even go out on my birthday. But dammit … why shouldn’t I? I can’t sit around in my apartment and punish myself. I mean, I didn’t do anything wrong. I lost my job because of the damn economy and not because of job performance. I’ll get another job. I just don’t know when or where.

I’m not being selfish planning a nite out for my birthday when I don’t even know if I’ll have a job by the, am I? Dammit … I don’t care. I need to get out of my apartment. It’s my birthday and I can do whatever the hell I want to.