Based on this choice, I went to UND and pursued a degree in meteorology. After graduating from UND I took a job at a company where I was a “meteorologist”. Why the quotes? The job was more of an office assistant than a meteorologist. I did put together reports from field projects, but I didn’t do anything weather related during my 4½ years there.

I was laid off from this company in December 2003 (they eliminated the position). This brought me to a point where I had to make another choice. At the time, I wasn’t really sure what to do. I had taken over the company’s website, so there was one option. Another option was an office/administrative assistant. I was actually one of the final two candidates for an administrative assistant position with Pepsi Co. in town. They ended up going with the other individual, but that was actually the best thing that could have happened to me. I decided to pursue the web development option, which landed me with a smaller local company. I worked at the company for about 3½ years until they closed their doors. At that time, I went to work directly for the final client that the company had. I was with that company until October of last year when I was laid off due to budget cuts (thanks to our lovely economy that still hasn’t recovered).

There was no need to make a choice at that point. I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to continue in the field of web development. I just needed to find another job. I managed to find two contract positions. The second of those was supposed to turn into a permanent position, but thanks to our lovely economy, my contract was ended (3 months) early (and 17 other people were laid off).

This brings us to the present and another choice that I must make. This choice has not been easy for me. It has nothing to do with my choice of careers. I am now, more than ever, confident that I want to continue working in the field of web development. The choice is “where am I going to work?”. I’ve been struggling with this for the past two months (or more actually). There really aren’t many positions around the region (ND/MN/SD) that aren’t .NET or Java or some other language/technology that I don’t have experience in. I’m looking for php/sql based positions since that’s where my experience/background is.

I know that I need to look outside of my “comfort zone”. I just really don’t know where or how to start. I have looked for opportunities in Kansas, Oklahoma, and Texas, but haven’t really found any that excited me. I don’t want to take a job somewhere only to find out that I’m not happy wherever the job is. I did apply for a position in Edmond, OK, but I still haven’t heard anything back (and I was a little excited about the position and the location).

It has been almost two months since my contract was ended, and I’m basically still at square one. I know that there are people out there who have been out of work for much longer than that (in fact, I was unemployed for about 7 months when I switched from a career in a weather related field to a career in the web development field [that was almost 6 years ago]); however, my savings will only last so long, and I’m not collecting unemployment.

I have found one position that is in line with the type of work that I’m looking for. I don’t know the name of the company because the position is through a job agency (and they won’t tell me until an interview is scheduled), but that isn’t really that big of a deal at this point. The thing that has me delaying pursuing it is the salary. Their high end is lower than my low end. It would be a $6/hr pay cut from my last position and a $3/hr pay cut from the position before that. While I don’t expect to start at a new job at the same pay rate as the one my last contract was with, I still have my acceptable range. This one is below that. BUT … the position is a permanent position, not a contract one. AND … if they have decent benefits and are progressive about reviews and pay raises, then this could be a good opportunity. But I was told that they are looking for more of an entry level developer, and with my experience, I don’t consider myself entry level any more (at least not when it comes to php/sql development). I have not written this option off yet. The only down side that I really see (at this point) is the pay. But even if I do pursue it, there’s no guarantee that I would get it.

So that brings me back to my current choice. Do I pursue this position (so that I can stay here), or do I put on my “big girl pants” and seriously start looking for something out of state? I’m really struggling with this one. I need to do what’s best for me … but I have no idea what that is. I just wish I would have an epiphany or would see a sign and know which path to follow … which choice to go with. I’m tired of struggling with this choice. But … at least I know what I want to do. Now I just need to make a choice as to where.

I believe that the fact that I don’t talk about things is the reason this patch has been so rough for me. I was using Twitter as a release for some things … but that’s not the right outlet. I’m surprised I still have as many followers as I do. But then again, they probably don’t pay attention to my ramblings anyways.

I’ve decided that I need to get things out somehow. So that is what this blog post is for. I’m warning you now … if you really don’t give a damn, then stop reading now. If you’re curious, then click on the link to keep reading the rest of this post (if you’re on the main page that is). Sure, I could have made this post private or password protected, but I’ve decided not to do that. Who knows … I may come to regret that, but I can always change things later if I want to. So … here’s your last warning. What comes next is going to be me uncorking that damn bottle … well, not fully but at least a little.

Where to start, where to start? That is the question. LOL I guess I’ll start with that big ol’ elephant over in the corner … I have no job. That is my biggest source of angst at the moment. I know it’s not because of anything that I did. It’s the damn economy. The company I used to work for sells aftermarket accessories for trucks and cars (mainly trucks). When the sales of trucks went down, so did their sales. So they had to cut the budget somewhere. I guess I was one of those cuts. I have no idea if any others were laid off at the same time or not, but that really isn’t relevant I guess.

That was back in October of last year. I did have a contract job that lasted for 4 months, but that was only 4 months. I’ve been unemployed (yet again) for almost a month now (the contract ended at the end of March). There has been one opportunity that I’ve been pursuing since just before my contract ended. I had an interview for it last week. Apparently they felt that the interview went well, but I won’t hear any more until early next week since the head of the department is in a conference in Alaska. I found another position at the end of last week and applied for that. It doesn’t close until May 6th, so it will be a while before I hear back on that one as well. So, here I sit in my apartment driving myself completely nuts. LOL

I have a theory about why this stint of unemployment is hitting me so damn hard. Before I was laid off back in October, I had been saving up to buy a house. Since I would be a first time homeowner, I could get away without having a down payment, so I was just saving up for the closing costs. Based on my calculations and the amount that I was putting into my savings accounts, I figured that I would have enough to start house hunting by the end of THIS summer. I was so stoked about that fact … you have no idea. I am so sick of living in an apartment … especially now that I have a downstairs neighbor who doesn’t understand what a “respectable volume” is for listening to his music (don’t get me started on that). It’s more than just being sick of living in an apartment though. I mean, I’m 33 years old. I was making a decent living. I don’t have much debt (just a student loan, but that’s a “good” debt, if there is such a thing), and I have really good credit. Owning a house would be a good investment … even though the economy is in the toilet. I felt that it was time for me to head in that direction. Losing my job and not knowing where or when I’ll be working again sure put the kibosh on that dream. So much for being in a house of my own by the holidays. And that just breaks my heart.

I know that eventually (hopefully sooner rather than later) I will be working again. And eventually I will be able to get back on my plan toward home ownership. But what I don’t know is where the hell that will be. I’ve said it before on here, I want to stay in the Fargo/Moorhead/West Fargo area. My family is within driving distance, and my friends are here. But there just aren’t very many web programmer job openings around here, at least not ones that don’t require .NET or something along those lines. The job that I interviewed for would be perfect for me. It’s doing a lot of the same things I was doing on the contract job. But it also involved working with php … which I feel is my strong point (and I enjoy coding in it). So I’m keeping my fingers crossed that it will work out. I do have one concern about the position. The company has multiple offices, and the other web devs are all in Duluth. So I would be the only one in the Fargo office. I’m worried that the company would rather have all of the web devs in the same location, and I really don’t want to move to Duluth. But if they felt that the interview went well, maybe they wouldn’t mind having a single web dev in the Fargo office. I guess only time will tell on that front.

If this opportunity doesn’t pan out and if I don’t hear from the other one I applied for by the middle of May, then I’m really gonna have to take a hard look at moving. I can’t wait forever for something to show its head around here. I don’t want to use all of the money that I’ve saved for a house to pay bills while I’m waiting to be employed again. I’ve been lucky so far. I’ve had enough in my checking account to pay bills, so I haven’t had to take any money from my savings accounts. But that’s only because I haven’t been putting the extra into savings like I had wanted to do. I should be able to pay rent for the next 2 months before I have to dig into savings.

Wow. I sure did ramble on about that, didn’t I? LOL Time to change the subject. Another big thing that I’ve been wrestling with is my weight. At the beginning of the year, I decided to change some things about myself. One of them was my exercise routine and nutritional plan … to actually have them. LOL I was doing good too. I lost about 10lbs in January. Then I started slacking off and eventually completely stopped my plan. I haven’t exercised in a while, and I’ve gone back to my poor eating habits. I haven’t gained all of that weight back, but I have gained back about half of it. And I’m really not happy about that. I know that I need to lose weight and eat better, but with the mood I’ve been in, I just haven’t given a damn. It doesn’t help that I’m an “emotional eater”. If I’m bored or stressed or lonely or pissed or whatever, I tend to eat. And my choices are not good. Whether it’s chips or Snickers ice cream cones or half a (frozen) pizza at a meal, I’ve been eating whatever the hell I can get my hands on. I might eat healthy snacks if I had them in my apartment, but the healthy food tends to be on the expensive side, and I’m trying not to spend more money than I need to. That makes trips to the grocery store a bad experience. I tend to leave the store either exasperated or pissy.

I need to get back on track. Since I have some time on my hands, I need to get back into my exercise routine and start eating better. I need to plan out my meals so that I have a good shopping list rather than just finding things in the store ad and picking up whatever looks interesting and isn’t all that expensive. I have my Walk Away the Pounds DVDs and my elliptical machine. The weather is starting to get nicer out (even though it’s been wet the past few days), so I need to consider taking walks outside (weather permitting).

I think this post is getting a bit long, so I think it’s time I ended it. Did it help to spew all of this? I’ll let you know. I do know that I need to stop bottling things up. If I don’t stop, that bottle is gonna explode on my one day … and that won’t be a pretty sight. I still have a lot of issues that I didn’t include in this post, so there’s plenty left in that damn bottle. It’s not like I don’t have someone to talk to. I know that Robin would listen if I need to talk. I tend to not bother her because she has her own things that she’s dealing with. But I know that she would smack me around if she felt that I wasn’t talking to her because I didn’t want to bother her with it. LOL I better make sure I stand more than an arm’s length away from her the next time I see her (after she reads this).

What have I been doing for the past couple months? I was working and looking for a job. Huh? Well, I was working a contract job. It was supposed to be a 3 month contract with the option to make it permanent. It ended up being a 4 month contract. They just didn’t have enough work to keep me on permanently. They wanted to keep me on (or at least that’s what I was told), but they just couldn’t.

I am still looking for a job. I do have an opportunity I’m waiting to hear back on. I’m hoping I hear back soon. I don’t know how long I can handle sitting around my apartment. I think I’m going to need to find a coffee shop to hang around in. But that could get expensive.

As I found out before I got the contract position, there aren’t all that many web developer/programmer job openings here in the Fargo/Moorhead area … at least not ones that don’t require .NET experience. But as long as I can find at least one opportunity here, I’m going to wait it out. I have money in my checking and (2) savings accounts that will last me a few months (at least). I just hope I don’t end up depleting those accounts. The savings accounts were for a house hunt I was hoping to start. But that is obviously on hold for the foreseeable future.

Why do I want to stay in the Fargo/Moorhead area? For starters, it’s something I’m familiar with. I’ve lived here since Oct. 1998, and I grew up about an hour south of here. But it’s not just that. My family is in this part of the state. Yeah, I don’t visit them as often as I probably should, but at least I have the option of going to see them and not having to plan a vacation to do so. My friends are here. I don’t have all that many friends, I’ll admit that. But the friends that I do have are true friends. I don’t know what I’d do without them. I don’t make friends very easily … being a shy introvert doesn’t help that fact.

I also want to stay here because of the people here. I mean come on … when you have volunteers make 3.5 million sandbags in around a week’s time (during a snow storm) to help save the community from flood waters (and WIN), whether they were directly affected by it or not … that’s a place I want to live. And that’s just one example.

I may bitch and moan about the cold weather during the winter, but that just gives me something to talk about. LOL When it comes down to what’s important, this place isn’t such a bad place to live. So I’m going to wait to hear back about my current opportunity and keep looking for others that may pop up. As long as I have the resources to wait, I’m going to. Family … friends … community. Those are things that make me want to stay here. It’s gonna take a pretty damn good opportunity to lure me away. I just hope the lack of opportunity here doesn’t force my hand.

My biggest question is this: What about those people who, like me, lost their jobs due to the shitty economy? Why can’t WE be ‘bailed out’?

I worked for a company that sells automotive accessories online … things like truck bed covers, bed rails, nerf bars, floor mats, etc. It’s no secret that truck sales have been down, due to the high gas prices earlier this year as well as the crappy economy, so sales of the accessories were down. I don’t know if I was the only person laid off or if others were as well. But it doesn’t really matter. I used to think that up here [in North Dakota], the economy wasn’t as bad off as in other parts of the country. Boy was I wrong.

Over the past few weeks, the news has been reporting that companies around the region have been laying off workers. Bobcat is suspending operations for 6 weeks, beginning on Dec. 15th [source]. And now they are asking more individuals to take early retirement [source]. Lund boats in New York Mills, MN laid off 140 people earlier this month [source]. And just today, it was reported that 30 people were laid off at JLG Industries in Oakes [source]. I’m sure there are others around the region, but those are some that have been in the news lately. And you know that this situation is happening all over the country.

Luckily, in my case, I’m the only one affected. I live alone and don’t have any kids. But what about those families where a parent got laid off. They have kids to feed and clothe and mortgages to pay and medical bills to worry about.

Yes, there are unemployment benefits. I don’t know what it’s like in other states, but I can say that in North Dakota, unemployment benefits have gone down hill. And I can say that because this isn’t my first walk around the block. I was unemployed almost 5 years ago. I was unemployed for about 7 months, but that is because I was in a career transition. Back then, there were orientation meetings and appointments with a case worker and classes that could be taken. Now there is absolutely nothing like that. I filed my claim online. I certify my weeks online. You only call the Bismarck office if you have a problem or questions (and we have an office here in Fargo). I know that this is all because of budget cuts that the department has faced. But it really hurts those that the department is supposed to help.

In my case, I’m not even getting unemployment benefits anymore. You have to make 2 job contacts a week, which seems simple enough. But my chosen career path isn’t exactly ‘mainstream’, so there aren’t many open positions around here. A couple of my opportunities involve waiting until the company starts interviewing. And I’m not gonna apply for jobs that I would never take just to get unemployment. So I’m basically screwed. Thank goodness I have savings.

There may be people out there who aren’t even eligible for unemployment benefits, for whatever reason. And even those people who DO get unemployment benefits, it’s not enough to live on while you’re looking for a new job. And in this economy, depending on what sort of work you are looking for, finding a new job is no picnic.

So, why should the banks and financial institutions and auto industry be getting bailed out when we are the ones who are really suffering. Why isn’t the government doing something for those people who have lost their jobs due to the economy. I’m not saying give us $700 billion dollars. But give us something to supplement unemployment benefits. And those people not eligible for unemployment, give us something too. Something to make our lives a little less stressful while we’re looking for a new job. We need to eat. We need to take care of our kids. We need to take care of OURSELVES!!!

I say we start a movement to get the government to bail US out. What do you say?

Well, I doubt it would do any good. But I do wish we could get the government to take a look at the job service agencies around the country and fix the unemployment benefits system. Pump some money into that system so that there can be orientation meetings and appointments with a case worker and classes again. And the number of job contacts would be affected by the individual situations. That would go a long way to helping out lots of people.

To those people who are in the same situation as I am … keep the faith. Times can get tough, but they won’t stay that way forever. I have a tough time remembering that at times, but it really is true. Eventually the economy will recover. I have no idea how long it will take, but it will happen some day. So keep your chin up … things will get better.

If I want to keep working as a web programmer (and I DO), then I am going to need to move out of the Fargo area.

I don’t like this one bit, but there really isn’t anything I can do. I’ve exhausted almost all of the opportunities out there. There is one left, but they aren’t interviewing until December. And there’s no guarantee I’ll get an interview (I DO think I have a good chance of getting one, but who really knows). There are a couple other places I submitted my resume, but I don’t know if I’ll hear from them. There are opportunities around town, but they are for .NET programmers.

This realization breaks my heart and scares the shit out of me. I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to move to a larger city in order to find something. I’m targeting the Minneapolis, MN area (the Cities as it’s called around here) first. That’s only about 5 or 6 hours from here (depending on how fast you drive … LOL). I do have a former co-worker who lives down there. I emailed him this afternoon to see if he knows of any companies that are hiring. Then there is Monster.com and CareerBuilder.com that I can search. I’m also going to email my contact at a local agency to see if they have an office in the Cities (I believe they do, but I don’t know for sure). I need all the help I can get since I don’t know the area.

I may eventually (have to) expand my area, depending on what’s available in the Cities. Where? I have no clue. If you know of any company looking to hire a web programmer with a focus in php and mssql or MySQL, let me know.

I’m going to start this course of action on Monday. Tomorrow I’m taking a day off from the job hunt. I’m going to treat it like a vacation day. Why? ‘Cuz it’s my birthday. I almost feel like I’ve been punishing myself for the past month even though it’s not my fault that I lost my job. It’s this damn economy. But I’m not gonna get into that now … that’s another post that I may or may not write. Tomorrow is a day for me. I owe it to myself to treat myself right tomorrow. I will be calling Job Service tomorrow to put my unemployment claim on hold (since I’m not getting my job contacts) and checking the job listings a couple times a day (but not as often as I have been). But otherwise I’m not doing anything related to my job search. I’m gonna get a paper in the morning, wait for my new laptop battery to be delivered (don’t ask … LOL), go get my sister, go out for a free supper (at Paradiso w/ Lisa, Robin, and Dannilynn), and go to the bar (the Hub with the same as supper minus Dannilynn … she’s a little too young … she’s not quite 2 yet. ). I’m not gonna worry about when I’ll get my next paycheck or where I’ll be living when I get it. It’s gonna be a day for me dammit.

Before this all happened, I felt like I had all my ducks in a row. I was doing good financially, for the first time in my life really. I actually was able to put money into savings rather than live from paycheck to paycheck. I was working on saving up enough money to cover closing costs so I could buy a house. My plan was to start house hunting at the end of the summer next year. I was well on my way to achieving this goal. But those darn ducks just wouldn’t stay in that row.

Now I am in a place of uncertainty. I don’t know when I’ll find another job. It’s kinda slim pickings around the area. I’m not finding anything new being listed. But even if I find something in some other town, I’m not home free. I have to give 60 days notice before I can move out of my apartment. And I’m not gonna give notice now because I’m still holding out hope that at least one of the opportunities I’ve already followed pans out or that something new shows up soon. But I can’t wait forever.

So, here I sit … in a state of suspended animation. On hold. I can’t make plans because I don’t know where I’ll be and when. This sucks!

So far, I’ve applied for 7 actual positions and sent my resume to 2 other companies that don’t currently have openings but are always accepting them. I have gone on 2 interviews, and I have another interview scheduled for tomorrow.

Of the 2 interviews I’ve already been on, I’m hopeful on one. I actually didn’t feel nervous during the interview. I am supposed to hear back by mid-week to see if I move on to the second round of interviews. As for the other interview, I don’t think the position is right for me, regardless of how the company feels about me. Sometimes you just get a gut feeling about things.

I have contacts at 2 recruiting agencies in town. That is how I found out about the position I’m hopeful on. The other agency is waiting to hear back about a company opening up a position. She said she’d let me know when she heard. And yesterday I was contacted by another local agency that had found my resume on Career Builder. Unfortunately the position they currently have needs ASP.NET experience, which I don’t have. But she sent me her contact info and said she would be in touch if anything relating to php/mssql/MySQL came up.

I’m hoping something that I’ve already found and applied for pans out … and soon. I’m not having much luck finding new positions to apply for. The one I applied for this morning was the first new one I’ve seen in the last week. I’m not sure how long I can wait before I expand my search area (to Grand Forks).

I need to have 2 job contacts a week in order to get unemployment benefits. And an interview with a company for a position I have applied to doesn’t count as a second job contact anymore (it did the last time I was in this position). I understand that they need to have these sort of requirements to keep people from abusing unemployment benefits. But I’m looking for quality positions that I actually want to work at rather than a large quantity of positions. I understand that the more positions I apply for, the better my odds of finding something. But there are only so many positions around here. And each position has a timeline. They don’t hire someone right after an interview. They have a period where they’re accepting resumes, then interviewing, then a possible second round of interviews. That takes time. And having to keep making 2 contacts a week is getting harder and harder to do. I almost have to put my unemployment claim on hold in order to wait for the process to complete to keep the stress level down. And I don’t want to start looking out of town before the in town opportunities are sorted out.

I’m trying to keep my chin up. They say “that which doesn’t kill us makes us stronger”. This experience should be making me stronger then … hopefully before it kills me. LOL

My original plan was to start looking for a house around the end of next summer. If I followed my savings plan (which I was doing), I’d have enough for a down payment by then. And since I’d be a first time home buyer, I could get by without a down payment. That might not be the case is some parts of the country, but the housing market hasn’t fallen as much around here as other parts of the country. So I think that would still have been the case for me.

Now, my plan is just pushed back some. I have 2 interviews this week (one Monday and one Tuesday). Maybe one of them will be the right one for me, and I’ll be offered the position. I’m also waiting to hear back on a couple other positions that I submitted my resume to.

My best case scenario would be that my plans are only pushed back one month. That is, assuming I would be paid fairly close to what I had been getting. I haven’t put any money into savings since I lost my job because I wanted to keep that money available for when I needed it. But I haven’t taken anything out of savings either.

So … I’m not going to let myself get down. My dream of being a home owner is not dead. I can still get a house. My time line is just shifted a little. I need to look to the positive. I just have more time to plan now. I need to keep telling myself that so I don’t fall down that pit of despair.

Hopefully the time of your unemployment is minimal. But if not, you need to make sure you don’t lose your mind while you’re waiting to find your next dream job. You can’t be searching for a job 24/7. (If you can, let me in on your secrets … LOL). You basically know what sources are out there where you live. You can’t keep checking those sources all day long. Some (like newspapers and their websites) are only updated once a day. Even if you are looking for work in an industry that has a TON of openings, you’ll still have some time on your hands … whether it’s waiting to see if you get an interview or finding out if you get the job after an interview.

So what you do with that down time could make or break you … could keep you sane or drive you stark raving mad. Here are some things that I’ve been doing to try to keep myself from falling prey to the latter.

1. Keep doing what you’ve been doing, only for yourself. Of course, this one really depends on what type of work that you’re looking for. In my case, I’m a web programmer. I have my own websites that I can work on. I’ve had ideas bouncing around in my head for web applications that I just never got around to because I was too tired after a day of work or some other excuse. I have the time to pursue them now.

2. Learn new things, maybe even something that can help in your job hunt. I’ve recently become really interested in social media. (I blame Twitter.) While I have some time on my hands, I think I’m going to delve deeper into the industry. I may never use it in my professional life, but you never know.

3. Expand your horizons. Learn a new hobby. Find something to take your mind off being unemployed, even if it is only for a hour a day.

4. Spend time with friends. Lean on your friends. They’re there for you. That’s why they’re your friends. You’d be there for them. This is something that I need to learn to do more. I tend to withdraw in times like this.

5. Clean up your house/apartment. Since you might not have time to give your place a good cleaning when you’re working full time, now is the time to do some of the things that you’ve been putting off.

Those are just a few things that can keep you occupied and your mind off things while you’re waiting to find your next perfect job. And hopefully that wait is really short.

So, I’m on the job hunt … again. This so sucks. Especially since it had nothing to do with me. I just wish I had had more notice. I mean … if you know there’s no room in the budget for my position, let me know so that I can start planning instead of freaking out at what I’m going to do.

At least I don’t have to worry about cleaning out an office since I work at home. I already have my work laptop and external hard drive packed up. Justin is picking it up around 12:30pm or so. Now I have plenty of room on my desk. LOL

I’m trying really hard not to completely lose it. But it’s hard to keep the tears away. Things were finally going good for me. I liked my job, even though I got pissy at times. But who doesn’t. And things were going good financially. I’ve been planning to start house hunting at the end of next summer. I guess that won’t happen now. I’m just glad I wasn’t looking this year and just moved into a house. Then I REALLY would have been screwed.

So now I need to sit down and figure out what to do next. The logical things are updating my resume and filing for unemployment. But then what? Where do I start looking for a job? Is there anything around here? Or am I going to have to move? I really don’t want to move. Amazingly, a couple local people on Twitter DM’d me. At least that’s somewhere to start.

I guess I’ll be paying more attention to the job postings in the paper. And I should probably call the local agencies. And I should also probably get some clothes for interviews that actually fit well and are comfortable. But I don’t want to have to spend money for clothes. But I can’t get a job if I go to an interview looking like a slob.

If anyone reading this knows of anyone in the Fargo/Moorhead area, or anywhere in region, who is looking to hire a web developer, please let me know. You don’t know how much I would appreciate it.