What’s the secret?

I envy those of you who can let things just “roll off your back”. If something bad/irritating happens that you have no control over, you just say “oh well … nothing I could do” and move on.

What’s your secret?

Even if something is completely out of my control, I still let it get to me … eat away at me. I wish I knew how to stop doing that.

This afternoon at work, I was working on setting up a new SVN repository* and adding project files to it. I got the new repository all set up without any issues. Then I tried to add my files to it. I was doing it is smaller chunks because I’ve run into issue doing this in the past. I thought that smaller chunks would mean less of a chance of things “blowing up”. I had almost all of the files added to the repository. Then I got to the last folder that I needed to add. And everything frickin’ blew up. It wasn’t more than 6 files or so. I have no idea if the issue was with the repository, the program I was using, or Windows itself. I think I can rule out the program because I have the same issues with another program that I use to add files to the repository.

It took me 3 tries to get just the core framework files into the repository. Then I had to add the files that I extended the core. Again, I was doing things in chunks. I was still having issues. I couldn’t help myself … I ended up cussing. At least my boss didn’t get mad at me. After almost 1 1/2 hours (and many curse words), I FINALLY got all of the files into the repository.

Of course, this left me in a foul mood. Now that I’m home, over an hour later, I’m still in a foul mood. Hell, I just broke into tears for no frickin’ reason while I was putting my pizza in the oven. That is so not normal. I can’t believe I’m even admitting that.

This is definitely one of the pieces of my “Fresh Start” puzzle. I need to learn how to deal with these situations and the feelings they bring out in me. I just don’t know if I can do it on my own. I’m past the point where I think I need to get tested for depression or some similar disorder. There has to be either some sort of therapy or medication that can help alleviate these feelings. I just want to feel “normal” … whatever that is.

[* Editor’s Note: Sorry for the techie/geeky stuff. It was the most recent example.]


  1. I used to be like that always up tight and high strung made my back hurt between my shoulders, all I knew to do was get drunk every night..Then one day I heard a guy on TV say that to change your outlook on life is to write positive things on flash cards and put them on your mirror and in places where you can see them and keep repeating the things like I can’t control this situation. I am not resposible for this situation. I am a good person I like myself I am leaving what happened at work at work.. tomorrow is a new day.. any positive things that you can write that pertains to your situation..I takes a while to reprogram your brain but it sure is great when you finally get there..

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