I envy those of you who can let things just “roll off your back”. If something bad/irritating happens that you have no control over, you just say “oh well … nothing I could do” and move on.
What’s your secret?
Even if something is completely out of my control, I still let it get to me … eat away at me. I wish I knew how to stop doing that.
This afternoon at work, I was working on setting up a new SVN repository* and adding project files to it. I got the new repository all set up without any issues. Then I tried to add my files to it. I was doing it is smaller chunks because I’ve run into issue doing this in the past. I thought that smaller chunks would mean less of a chance of things “blowing up”. I had almost all of the files added to the repository. Then I got to the last folder that I needed to add. And everything frickin’ blew up. It wasn’t more than 6 files or so. I have no idea if the issue was with the repository, the program I was using, or Windows itself. I think I can rule out the program because I have the same issues with another program that I use to add files to the repository.
It took me 3 tries to get just the core framework files into the repository. Then I had to add the files that I extended the core. Again, I was doing things in chunks. I was still having issues. I couldn’t help myself … I ended up cussing. At least my boss didn’t get mad at me. After almost 1 1/2 hours (and many curse words), I FINALLY got all of the files into the repository.
Of course, this left me in a foul mood. Now that I’m home, over an hour later, I’m still in a foul mood. Hell, I just broke into tears for no frickin’ reason while I was putting my pizza in the oven. That is so not normal. I can’t believe I’m even admitting that.
This is definitely one of the pieces of my “Fresh Start” puzzle. I need to learn how to deal with these situations and the feelings they bring out in me. I just don’t know if I can do it on my own. I’m past the point where I think I need to get tested for depression or some similar disorder. There has to be either some sort of therapy or medication that can help alleviate these feelings. I just want to feel “normal” … whatever that is.
[* Editor’s Note: Sorry for the techie/geeky stuff. It was the most recent example.]