Going through the motions

Last nite I finally admitted to myself that I’m just going through the motions. I’m not really living my life.

I keep telling myself that I want to do this or I’m going to do that. But what do I do? I get up in the morning … go to work, sitting in front of a computer for 8-9 hours … come home and either sit in front of my laptop on Twitter or Facebook or sit on the couch staring mindlessly at the tv until I go to bed and start it all over again.

I’ve admitted this to myself. I know I’m headed down a dead-end road. Now what? How to I stop the bus … make a u-turn … get the fuck off?

I’ve tried to make a change before. It works for a couple weeks, and then I fall back down that damn rabbit hole. When will I hit the bottom so that I can start to bounce back?

What do I want to do with my life?

Well, in the short term …

  • I want to own my own house. I’m currently on the house hunt. I’ve looked at 3 and am planning to look at 3 more this Friday. There were both good and bad things about the first 3. None stood out. So I’m still looking.
  • I want to meet a guy … someone to hang out with … to talk about my day with … to watch NASCAR with … someone to share my life with.
  • I want to be happy.

In the long term …

  • I want to make my mark on the internet. I taught myself how to code. I didn’t take any classes in college. I read tutorials and played with code and figured it out. I got good enough to get a full time job as a web programmer. I’ve been doing it almost 7 years now (a week from tomorrow marks my 7 yr anniversary as a web programmer). I’ve learned a lot over the past 7 years. I want to take that knowledge, add some new stuff, and make some sort of web app that gets noticed. Not necessarily noticed by the whole world. But noticed by my bosses … by my peers. I want them to see it, try it, and say “damn that’s awesome” (and maybe get a raise to help pay for a house :D).
  • I want to make a kick ass mobile app (probably Android since I have a Droid 2). I’ve stuck with php and sql (both MySQL & MSSQL) in my programming career. I want to branch out into mobile apps. As with the normal web, I want to develop a mobile app that gets noticed.
  • I want a family … a husband, kids, pets. I don’t want to be alone my entire life.
  • I want to be healthy.
  • I want to be happy.
  • Seeing how far you’ve come as a programmer I know you have the determination to hit your goals now that you’ve defined them. Good luck.